I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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