my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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