fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
