Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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