Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
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