im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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