What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
