Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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