you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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