Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
