She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
the liver wants what the liver wants
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
