the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
