Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
I am so proud to call you my friend
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.