I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
