Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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