This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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