I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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