Too much gin, very little bucket
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
