All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
