Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
