Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
