Where is the hickey?
She said her name was "party"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
