I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
