piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
