Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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