Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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