I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
