I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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