remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i wish my penis had a tongue
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
