Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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