i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
