sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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