Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
