I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
