It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
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So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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