So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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