dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
