can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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