So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
