What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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