Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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