i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
