Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize