This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
