apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
