There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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