Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
