remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
