yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
