There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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