I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
