We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Your cock deserves a montage
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
