your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we have officially lost it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
