You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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