Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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