Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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