he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
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Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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