I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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