my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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