I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
