Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
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I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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